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boku-no-kokoro-no-sekai-tizu

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quit my job

I have quited my job at the end of November.
I am still not sure if it was correct dicision or not yet,
and maybe I can only know the answer few years later.

During past 2 weeks,
I have enjoyed myself so much.
I hadnt come back home and stayed frineds places,
drunk every night and played badminton almost everyday,
and had so many chat with friends.

Now, its December,
and it is time for me to take an action.
I havent thought of what I want to do yet,
and I am really not sure what I want to do.
I am very much lost right now,
and I am very much ... confused.
I am in the very difficult time right now.

However,
I hope that I will find my way to persue,
and I hope that I will enjoy my life again someday.
and for that day,
I need to face to me,
even though it is the very crucial and tough thing to do.

Do you like yourself?
[PR]
# by canadian_dreaming | 2008-12-05 15:14 | Diary

大学祭

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This weekend, the university near my house held its festival. This festival is something that I have so much memories of since I have been it from when I was a elementary student. The scenery and people are different from what in my memories, but I still recall the time I spent here. This festival is something that remind me of one of my happy time, when I didnt pay any attention to future. I just enjoyed the time I was at, and tomorrow was what I need to think when tomorrow comes.

Now, after told my bosses and human resource department my quiting job, I only need to talk about when to quit and the procedure that I need to take. Next Wednesday I will tell my quit to people in my department and people I am related in terms of business. This would be the hardest for me... and I am really nervous of doing it, but I am quite sure that this is what I need to do. I need to overcome this crucial moment because I am going to quit not becuase of the company but because of my selfishness.

I am just so stressful recently because of this and other personal stuff... could not enjoy this weekend that much actually, but I only have 2 more weeks to go, and in terms of business day, it is only 9 days that I need to go to company. Considering all the fact, all guilty belongs to me, and I am the only person who needs to think sorry, and other people have a right to get angry against me...

well, 2 weeks would be long but may not be that long as I think. Doing my job as much as I can and say good-bye to people there!!!
[PR]
# by canadian_dreaming | 2008-11-02 23:34

手帳

最近自分の手帳を買いました。
2008年の10月、つまり今月から始まる新しい日記。
俺の誕生月、10月。24歳になった10月。
そして会社を辞めると決意した10月。

友達のブログを見てたら、俺と同じような事を悩んでるみたいで、
でもまだ悶々としてるみたいだった。
そうだよね。普通そこでいきなりやめたりしない。
それって社会では逃げてるとか言われちゃうからね。

俺の決意を友達は大きな決断、と誉めてくれた。
でもおれの心の中ではその辺、ぜんぜんまだ釈然としないわけよね。

俺が重大な決意をしたのか、はたまた、重大なミスを犯したのか。

何をしても幸せが何かはわからないし、
何をしても長続きする気もしない。

何かしたいわけじゃないから、だからこそ、
ちょっとでも何かしたいと思ったらやってみたい。
そうじゃないと、
ちょっとしか思わなかった「したい」っていう気持ちがどんどんおっきくなって、
まるでそれがものすごいしたかったことで、そんでまるでものすごい後悔してるような、
そんなフリをするところがあるから。
そんあフリをなんだかんだけっこう引きずってしまうから。

そんな自分が嫌いだから。

前向きなのか、後ろ向きなのかはさっぱりわからないこの決断。
でもはっきりわかるのは一瞬楽になる、ってこと。

この決断は「楽」のためじゃない。
むしろ間違いなくその後に「苦」が待ってるはずだってわかってる。
でもそれでも、
俺がこの道を選ぶのは、
たぶん本当に、しっくりこないこの気持ちをどうにかしたいから。

ただ本能のままに生きることは「悪徳」とされて、
我慢して生きてることが「美徳」とされるのはなんでだろう。さっぱりわからん。

なーんちゃってものすごいなやんでる風に書いてるけど、
もっと正直な話、毎日仕事して帰ってきたら飯くって寝てるだけ。
そりゃ、こんな風に考えないこともないけど、でも基本的にはそんな事をより疲れててさ。
そして結局答えのないことを考えることに疲れてさ。

最近の目下の悩みは、「ダイエット」と「中古車選び」なわけ。

とりあえずこの仕事に区切りをつけて、
新しい人生をはじめたい。
[PR]
# by canadian_dreaming | 2008-10-20 21:31 | Diary

My Bday3

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And lastly,
I got a message book from friends of badminton club in Matsudo!!
It was full of pics and message cards, wrapped by handmade cover. The cover's taste is very much my taste, so I was very happy to have it.

Yesterday I went to the club to give them thank you cards. I printed out some pictures which I took b4 and on the back wrote some messages.

well,
actually there was a story about this present. Since few weeks b4, I wasnt feeling good at this club. there was nothing big trouble but inside me there were several matters regarding of this club and people there. Therefore, I was feeling very strange and didnt know what to act, but as an adult (well i dont know if i actually belong to so-called adult or not) I should not act like... i should not show my feeling. still, there are several friends there and i really like them, so i was very happy to have it.

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[PR]
# by canadian_dreaming | 2008-10-13 23:44 | Diary

My Bday2

on the Bday, I was at home until evening, and one of my friends asked me to go out for dinner. He is the frined of elementary,and we are very close each other. Tho we have just met a week ago, it was very good time talking with him. We didnt have any break for about 3 hrs.

The picture is what he gave me on that day. As you can see, surprisingly enough that this toothpaste is made from cray!!! When I tried this for the first time on the next day, it tasted very much cray (tho I have never eaten it)!!!

On the next day, again with him, I watched the movie "Yogisha X no Kenshin". This movie is now famous since the TV drama got so much popularity.

The movie was very well, with many sadnesses and warmnesses. It was so good that I bought a book of it on my way home!!!


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[PR]
# by canadian_dreaming | 2008-10-13 22:02 | Diary