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<   2008年 10月 ( 5 )   > この月の画像一覧

手帳

最近自分の手帳を買いました。
2008年の10月、つまり今月から始まる新しい日記。
俺の誕生月、10月。24歳になった10月。
そして会社を辞めると決意した10月。

友達のブログを見てたら、俺と同じような事を悩んでるみたいで、
でもまだ悶々としてるみたいだった。
そうだよね。普通そこでいきなりやめたりしない。
それって社会では逃げてるとか言われちゃうからね。

俺の決意を友達は大きな決断、と誉めてくれた。
でもおれの心の中ではその辺、ぜんぜんまだ釈然としないわけよね。

俺が重大な決意をしたのか、はたまた、重大なミスを犯したのか。

何をしても幸せが何かはわからないし、
何をしても長続きする気もしない。

何かしたいわけじゃないから、だからこそ、
ちょっとでも何かしたいと思ったらやってみたい。
そうじゃないと、
ちょっとしか思わなかった「したい」っていう気持ちがどんどんおっきくなって、
まるでそれがものすごいしたかったことで、そんでまるでものすごい後悔してるような、
そんなフリをするところがあるから。
そんあフリをなんだかんだけっこう引きずってしまうから。

そんな自分が嫌いだから。

前向きなのか、後ろ向きなのかはさっぱりわからないこの決断。
でもはっきりわかるのは一瞬楽になる、ってこと。

この決断は「楽」のためじゃない。
むしろ間違いなくその後に「苦」が待ってるはずだってわかってる。
でもそれでも、
俺がこの道を選ぶのは、
たぶん本当に、しっくりこないこの気持ちをどうにかしたいから。

ただ本能のままに生きることは「悪徳」とされて、
我慢して生きてることが「美徳」とされるのはなんでだろう。さっぱりわからん。

なーんちゃってものすごいなやんでる風に書いてるけど、
もっと正直な話、毎日仕事して帰ってきたら飯くって寝てるだけ。
そりゃ、こんな風に考えないこともないけど、でも基本的にはそんな事をより疲れててさ。
そして結局答えのないことを考えることに疲れてさ。

最近の目下の悩みは、「ダイエット」と「中古車選び」なわけ。

とりあえずこの仕事に区切りをつけて、
新しい人生をはじめたい。
[PR]
by canadian_dreaming | 2008-10-20 21:31 | Diary

My Bday3

c0005699_23324192.jpg


And lastly,
I got a message book from friends of badminton club in Matsudo!!
It was full of pics and message cards, wrapped by handmade cover. The cover's taste is very much my taste, so I was very happy to have it.

Yesterday I went to the club to give them thank you cards. I printed out some pictures which I took b4 and on the back wrote some messages.

well,
actually there was a story about this present. Since few weeks b4, I wasnt feeling good at this club. there was nothing big trouble but inside me there were several matters regarding of this club and people there. Therefore, I was feeling very strange and didnt know what to act, but as an adult (well i dont know if i actually belong to so-called adult or not) I should not act like... i should not show my feeling. still, there are several friends there and i really like them, so i was very happy to have it.

c0005699_2337663.jpg

[PR]
by canadian_dreaming | 2008-10-13 23:44 | Diary

My Bday2

on the Bday, I was at home until evening, and one of my friends asked me to go out for dinner. He is the frined of elementary,and we are very close each other. Tho we have just met a week ago, it was very good time talking with him. We didnt have any break for about 3 hrs.

The picture is what he gave me on that day. As you can see, surprisingly enough that this toothpaste is made from cray!!! When I tried this for the first time on the next day, it tasted very much cray (tho I have never eaten it)!!!

On the next day, again with him, I watched the movie "Yogisha X no Kenshin". This movie is now famous since the TV drama got so much popularity.

The movie was very well, with many sadnesses and warmnesses. It was so good that I bought a book of it on my way home!!!


c0005699_2215983.jpg

[PR]
by canadian_dreaming | 2008-10-13 22:02 | Diary

My Bday!!

I became 24 y/o today!!!

and my kouhai gave me a surprise cake to me the other day!!!
It was so surprising that she actually remembered my Bday and whats more gave me a present to me!!! Never thought that she cared of me!!!

anyways,
thanks so much ne~~~

and thank you everyone giving me a message!!
c0005699_14383744.jpg

[PR]
by canadian_dreaming | 2008-10-11 14:38 | Diary

take it easy

It has been almost 2 months that I havent uploaded this place :<
I was kinda busy recently with working and thinking about my future, as well as having irritated of my life.

Last weekend, 2 big things ended.
One: my friends' wedding party project
Two: badminton double tournament

ONE: Wedding party project
This is actually very much fun event happening to me recently.
I have been to a badminton club when I was a high school student. and it was all of a sudden that we knew that two of the members in that badminton club decided to get married!! It was so surprising and at the same time so happy thing, so I decided to make it big event!!
Me and some friends decided to make a movie message, so I was very busy with organizing it. It was actually very time-consuming and tough, with many people not replying to email or phone-call. However, I needed to respect their life too. I was busy with my work and my future, but I spared some time for celebrating two, so I wanted other team members to spare some time too, but it was not shared with few people, and I needed to accept it. This was very difficult for me because we were very close at the time we practiced badminton together and I didnt want to say that we become "adult" that prevents us from gathering again.
anyway,
the day came and the movie message completed just the morning of that day. I was so exausted with making one, but when i saw their faces, I was just so happy and satisfied with. I was just like ... oh, I did good job!!! nothing to regret!! even though I had a bit difficult time, still having shining smiles brought me to the happy world.

TWO: Badminton doubles tournament
I joined a badminton club in Matsudo which my friends played badminton at in April. At first I really enjoyed there and I was very very relaxing. However, time after time, somewhat I really felt burden on me, and I became dislike people there. Maybe it was because I am still too childish, or maybe because my heart is too small, but in any reasons, I cannot enjoy myself anymore there. and there is no reason for me to be there with so much stress. I am welcome to be said that I am just selfish. Its okie now, I just do not care. I just need to care of myself now. I have no space except thinking about myself, my future and my good precious friends.

so now, I am a bit released from many troubles. and i want to enjoy my work and want to spare time to think of myself.
[PR]
by canadian_dreaming | 2008-10-07 23:01 | Diary