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boku-no-kokoro-no-sekai-tizu

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Germany and Australia

Holy shit"""""!!!! I thought I already wrote my blog, but it wasnt... ok. today i woke up at 2 and went to village to buy some daily stuff, and went to gym to play badminton with Goh. then, i visited Narumi to have dinner with, and there were other RITS ppl. but then, her roommate came back to home. she is an exchange student from Australia, sydney, and will stay only in this term. she is so HOT!!! kekeke she actually came from other place of world, and she migrated to Australia.

We talked so many hours whoile waiting others friends who were supposed to come earlier. she was wearing pierces and that pierces had a nives nad folks and spounes!!! so cute~~~ >_<+++

then Mr.Kitanishi came, he was in Europe in whole holiday, and he brought a bonch of pics which he took during journey, and the number almost exceed 1,000!!!!! wow

so yeah, today was just so happy ~~~ but u know, my class start from tomorrow!!! I dont think i can wake up at 7 am........

2005.1.3
Masaharu Shigematsu@Canada
# by canadian_dreaming | 2005-01-03 10:11 | canadian life

using English

Sorry for those who dont want to read English, but please let me write in my poor English... it is kinda practice for me to write in English... i know some of u notice the strangeness of my writing...please forgive me, and please let me know if u feel strange. it helps me learn English.

Okie, since I started to use English all the time of my life in 2005, even though it is only 2 days, i felt it is really tough for me to use english all the time. i felt it is really difficult to use it, and actually those feelings are because i could not handle them. how difficult the language is... fu---

today i woke up very late, it was almost 3 pm. i havent decided my regular class from 4th of Jan, and i really could not decided which to take... oh God, please tell me what to take.... i am really indecisive,..

ok, it is almost 5 am since i wrote comments on friend's blog... time to go bed... see u tomorrow ..................zzzzzzz

2005.1.2
Masaharu Shigematsu@Canada
# by canadian_dreaming | 2005-01-02 10:11 | kokoro no tizu

A Happy New Year

A Happy New Year 2005☆

I was just so lazy that I didnt write my summary of 2004. Now, it is already 2005, and ... yeah, I am so stupid. Anyway, here, I am writing about summary of 2004 and also the new resolution of 2005 as well.

2004 Spring(1-4):
I fotgot whether it was in Dec of 2003 or Jan of 2004... maybe Dec of 2003, but I was in Tokyo with my friends, to say good bye to our precious friend who went to USA. At that time, I was really mad, and was really bad person. Everybody told me, after that, I was just terrible, like I am saying ill of ppl a lot, and was sarcastic. However, in Jan of 2004, I noticed I kinda lost myself, and started to looking for myself.

I forgot a lot of things that i have done in this period... i think that was during Jan of 2004 that me and tatsuya (niwa-san) did a presentation at the 5th anniversary competition at APU. that was really hard for me, but i did it. that was really good experience, but i noticed somehow about the un-practicality of the plan.

I was in Beppu almost all spring vacation so as to work in co-op. We had a bonch of ppl who would enter APU from that spring, and we were there to help those ppl for preparation of new life and to invite them to be a member of co-op. That was great experience and full of fun. Although sometimes I felt frustrated, co-workers were really nice, and I think that was just good. Actually however, I drunk a lot at the same time I earned money, then there were not much money left there...

I was just so busy for maintaining of the committee of the world historical textbook museum in spring vacation. cuz, there were not so many ppl. and I was in charge of almost everything in spring vacation. me and rika went to a high school in Oita and gave them a kind of lecture about IR. u know, but IR is so difficult to explain, and we are not the students of IR... so we gave them some ideas of how to think about things around them.. with the good example of history textbook. that was my first experience to tell things about history textbook to others. then we had a spring camp 2004 at APU. that was just like summer camp (annual event in APU for those who are interested in entering APU). we played as a TA, and we, the committee of world hisotrical textbook museum, had three groups. kana, haruna, and rika were the leaders of each groups, and i did whole leader. that was, again, really good experience, but i wasnt that much good.

everytime i say something to ppl, i feel that what i am saying is not what i am thinking everyday. i mean, my word came into this world at that moment, but i always said them as if i always think about it... ummm this is really difficult to say in Japanese... i cannot handle it.sorry. but,,, yeah, i dont like my words actually.

after entrance ceremony, i and my floormates in Creoheights had a big party with new comers. that was really fun, and i started to keep in touch with them.

Summer (5-8)
I was really busy for badminton and other things... preparation for the exhibition at BKC, study for UBC, regular classes, co-op,,, everything was messed up, and i could not handle all. that was just ... hard for me. since i decided to take classes in English, but my life was just si busy and, at the same time, i had to think about my future, so i was mad. and i could not take much classes. i cancelled some classes actually, cuz i didnt want to fail them. so, i did anly 14 credits. that was, very few at that time (i mean, for the students of 2nd year of univ.)

i was not bad for badminton, since me and genki became good friends. however, another thing came up, and i became really mad. like,,, ummm i dont wanna write about it, so its okie. keke sorry

for the committee of the world hisotrical textbook museum, i was mad again but i was in the way of going abroad, and i ran away from this committee since i knew it killed me. i stopped my activities after BKC event.

regular classes were also troublesome for me. Ms.Seike was really nice, but i had a prejudiced view for her, and i was so mad to say to her that her class was really wasteful. i cannot believe it now, but for me at that time, i just wanted to be honest (or i wanted to make class somehow good for me). i was just so selfish. but after this, i noticed my seflishness and other important things, thanks to Ms.seike. she was just so nice to me, and i could take IR in a seminar.

i didnt do well in TOEFL and other things about English at that time, and actually i didnt study hard.

Autumn and winter(9-12)
I was in Canada, and studied at UBC.

in September, i was so mad, and felt great loneliness, but i noticed that i am the person who didnt do well at the first sight, so i just tried to be patient. i was a kinda shy, and i could not have confident in me, and everyting made me mad.

in oct. things started to change. my self consciousness was right. i could make some friends, and things went well somehow. i still felt lonely, and felt as if i was just out from the world, but this is always happend to me when i was so tired and when i was so busy. i noticed this was also me.

in nov. i started to think about my behavier in Canada. actually i changed myself a lot. i mean, yeah i didnt change my belief or important things, but i changed my ... i donno, anyway i can tell that me in Canada and me in japan totally differ in some aspects. i felt i was bad in Canada, and started to act in good way. i, i was... still child. i could not handle myself.

in dec. everyone went to somewhere, and my canadian friends had a fuckin final exams, and i didnt have much ppl to hang out with. also, since i had great long free time, i could not stop thinking about myself, my future, my career, and everything about me. i became really mad, and started smoking a lot, and ... i was just stupid. but this month was not that bad, i guess. since i could not have this much time to think about me in japan, so this was good for me.

so far, i noticed that i am still really weak, and still child. i can not handle myself, i cannot stop thinking in stupid way, but still i pretend as if i am mature and i know about me. i always try to hide my weakness,,, and i am really good at doing it,(hahaha) that made me more weak.

in 2005, i think i should be mature enough to know about me, to handle myself, and to think about my future. i need to talk to me more, and i need to face to myself.

i wanna be strong, but what is strong??? i donno, maybe phisically, and mentally, and ... yeah, but here, i mean i wanna be confident, and to be confident i need to be strong. to be strong, i need to work out phisically, and i need to be marure mentally.

i want to become to like me, since i dont like me now. i want to be a person who like themself.

2005 is just started, but i know, for sure, that time will pass very quickly. u know, this year will be one of the most important year for me, since i have a lot decision making, and that is likely to effect my whole life.

i am sure for one thing, that i have friends. i donno how deep we are, i doono how they think, but i am sure i have friends who think about me, who care about me, and who like me.

i have a lot of frineds who i love, who i respect, and i can be myself in front of them. i cannot meet them now, since i am in Canada, but i still feel that i have them. they are close to me. they are just ... here.

okie, now its enough long to finish it up. fu--- wow!! its already 5 in morning!!! i should sleep!!!

hope 2005 will be meaningful

2005.1.1
Masaharu Shigematsu@Canada
# by canadian_dreaming | 2005-01-01 10:11 | canadian life

earthquake

私としたことが、すっかり書くのを忘れていた、、、。そう、地震が起きてしまいました。そして津波が起きました。人々を襲いました。

俺はそのとき、カナダ時間27日、ますみを空港に送りました。んでそこで新聞記事が全部一面その記事でした。その前にネットでちらっとみて、でもどこまでひどいのかあまりわかりませんでした。。。でもひどかった、、、。つたない日本語でその意味を理解したけど、本当にものすごいんだということだけわかった。

その日の夜に、たまたま夜に日本語のテレビを見る機会があり、そこでNHKのニュースを見ました。わかりやすかったです、ありがたかった。そして、タイを始め、インドネシアに限らず、多くの諸国を巻き込んでいること、負傷者、死者の数は、捜索が進めば進むほど多くなっていること、犠牲者の多くが観光客であり、その中には日本人も含まれていること、などを知りました。そしてスリランカというインドに近い国にまで被害は及び、近隣の国よりもひどいということを知りました。

スリランカからはAPUに多くの学生がきています、もちろん友達の中にもスリランカの人がいるし、タイ、インドネシア、マレーシア、、、すべてが不安でした。

今日、たけしという、タイのバンコクの日本人学校にいっていた子にたまたま会い、その子の家族が今ちょうど休暇でタイにいるとのことを聞きました。とても恐ろしくなりましたが、バンコクは被害がないとのことで、おそらく平気だろうとのこと。(そしてたった今、たけしから安全だという連絡をもらいました)

さっきXがオンラインなのを発見したので、すかさずメッセをして、どうやら彼の家族、そして彼の友達もみな無事であるということを聞きました。よかった。でもそれと同時にいつか、この質問の答えが返ってこない、答えられないような友達に出会うかもしれない、そう思うと、すごく恐ろしい。正直、そんな可能性を100%否定できないのがAPUだからです。

さっそくAPUのホームページにて確認しましたが、そこまで把握はまだ出来ておらず、チャリティーの開始に関するSOからの連絡を確認しました。また輩会のめーリスで、たかぎさんが何かできないか、と模索中であることを知りました。

おそらくUBCでもなんらかの形で支援をするのだろうと思うし、この間の新潟の地震の時のように、私たち日本人もまた支援の形をとりたい、今俺が思ってるのは、成人式が近いし、それまではみんなが集まれる機会がないと思うので、その機会に募金を呼びかけようかと思います。今、ボランティアに行くことは出来ないし、専門的な知識もない、役人でもない、だからできるのはその援助にかかるお金を支援すること。はがゆいけれどこういう時には金です。だから募金呼びかけてみます。それと祈ります。

知り合いの中に何か巻き込まれたというのがわかった人がいたら、ぜひ連絡してください。すごく心配。たくさんのインドネシアやタイ、スリランカの友達がみな、無事であることを祈り、また一刻も早い復興を願います。海を越えて願いを届けます。

2004.12.28
Masaharu Shigematsu@Canada
# by canadian_dreaming | 2004-12-28 10:12 | canadian life

年末の一日

今日は起きたのは2時。久しぶりに遅く起きた。今日は、特に予定がなくて、んでスタバに行って本でも読むかーーーと思ってたから。普通に起きて、んでシャワー浴びて、んでそれから準備をしてさっそくビレッジにあるスタバへ。

んじゃあ、途中でたけしにあったん。むっちゃ久しぶりの会ってなんか嬉しかった~~~笑 んでそれから一緒にスタバにいくことになったんやけど、いつもお互い会うときは暇なときやけん、なんか下らん話なんかしてさ。なかなかいい時を過ごしました。

んで途中でけんちゃん&ゆいを発見★次のセメスターの話とか、あと、、、まあいろいろ、ひさしぶりに話して、んで話してる途中でなるみから電話で、今日はご飯は作らんとのこと、、、。涙 でもまあいいか、ということになって、んでビレッジの地下の中国料理を食べにいくことにした。んじゃあなんと、すげえ久しぶりに、けんた、光晴、ゆうだい、そうちゃん、んでまついさんがおった!!!マジ懐かしい~~~笑 んでまあ一緒に飯たべてさ、懐かしく話いろりおしてんやん。ムッチャ懐かしかった~~~。ま、たったの3週間だったんやけどね。そんでじゃあ途中で今度はけいたがアメリカ留学中の友達と一緒に参上。髪型を見たくてしょうがなかったから、マジうけた笑 俺もオーストラリアでそっちの床屋で髪きって、んでなんかもみ上げを全部やられたけど、、、そうなってたし、髪の毛はむしろ、、、パイナップル!?笑 んでしかもニットかぶってたけんなんかぺちゃんこでマジ笑えた。

最後に登場はひさし、ってか人現れすぎだけど、笑 まあいいだろ、もうみんな懐かしくてさ。んで、なんかひさしは英語をずっとしゃべり続ける子やけん、俺らもちゃんと英語で。俺も来年からは英語ってきめてるん。だから日記も英語で書くわ。頑張って。笑 んで、まあそう、こいつも来年もう一年カナダにいたい派だから、一緒に次のタームに何をとる?とかの話してさ。なんかいつもちょっと俺はこの子怖い子やなーって思ってたんけど、今日はすごくいい子やった。笑 知らんうちに判断したことはたいがいまちがっとるんですたい。笑

そんな感じでまあ、なんかすごく楽しくなった一日やった。明日はバンクーバーアートギャラリーへ行って、有名なエミリーカーの絵を見に行こうかと思う。んでその後にまついさんと飲む!!!ビールが必要やねん!!!飲むぞーーー笑

あと3日で2004年も終わるし、そのうち、今年の反省を書きたいと思います。赤裸々につづります笑

2004.12.28
Masaharu Shigematsu@Canada
# by canadian_dreaming | 2004-12-28 10:11 | canadian life